The Power of Advertising

This billboard sat directly above my apartment for the first month I lived there. It was so close, in fact, that when the men finally came to change it, they ate lunch on my roof (they did not eat Zwan turkey dogs). I saw this billboard countless times everyday. At night, it was lit up, and the model winked down at me on my balcony, as if she knew I hadn’t eaten dinner.

There is absolutely nothing appetizing about the turkey dogs on this billboard. Who serves a bunch of sliced up turkey dogs like this? Looking at them reminds me of the time I was forced to eat a torta (sandwich) with ham, cheese, and cold turkey dogs slathered in mayonnaise. The only thing worse than a boiled veggie and turkey dog salad with a mustard dipping sauce is a cold turkey dog slathered in mayonnaise. But everytime I saw this billboard, I started to feel inexplicably hungry. I actually began to crave . . . turkey dogs.

Beyond its strange power over me, I found the billboard perplexing for the longest time. Loosely translated, it says: “I don’t like it when you get here late, but not too early either.” For a while, I thought the lady serving the turkey dog salad was trying to trick her husband into believing that she had made the turkey dogs herself, rather than pulling them out of a package—much in the same way I used to try to convince my ex-boyfriend that the heated Spam I served him was actually homemade meatloaf.

I puzzled over this for a long time—who would expect someone to make sausages by hand? I’ve been in a lot of Mexican kitchens, and I never saw a sausage maker in one, ever. Then, one day, in a flash of brilliance I realized that the trick was that this scrumptious hot dog salad was made with turkey dogs, and not all beef hot dogs. Far more healthy. I don’t know though… If I knew that hot dog salad was being served for dinner at home—turkey or beef—the question wouldn’t be, “Shall I arrive early or late?” The question would be whether to go home at all.